April 10, 2013

Life Drawing III

Do you ever wonder what happened to your childhood dreams? We all had them; being a dancer, being an artist, being an actor, being an astronaut. The skies were the limit. I know that some held on to those dreams, they pushed through obstacles and gave it all they had. They weren't willing to take no for an answer. But what about the rest of us? What happened to all of my childhood dreams?

I've been thinking back on my childhood a lot lately, mostly reflecting on art I did and I wondered what happened that I let it go. I'm sure my interests changed, I matured, so forth and so on. But then I wondered if maybe I didn't do certain things or pursue certain things because I knew it would be hard. That statement is true about me. I tend to gravitate toward things that are easy, well at least easier for me. And if there is a chance of failure, I'm generally not interested. I can look back and pin point times in my life that I didn't do something because I was afraid of failing. I was not at all interested in facing criticism that might make me feel less then I was. Does that make sense? I was afraid that if I failed everyone would see me fail. I think that I thought if others saw me fail that it really did mean I was less, that I was lacking, that I was not worth much. But that's not the case, is it. My worth is not defined by what I achieve or fail to achieve. My worth is defined in Christ.

All that said, I've decided it's okay to fail. I've decided I'm not going to take the easy way out, because believe me I wanted to. When I began this creative process a couple weeks ago, I thought about taking the easy way out; not trying, just finding something that would be easy, something I already knew how to do. BUT, things that are great are not easy.

It's been hard posting photos of my drawings because I know that they might just seem like scribbles. But to me they have become achievements. Every drawing will be better, even if I can't tell. Every step forward is an achievement, even if it's not seen. 
 (This last one has lots of scribbles, because I was having a hard time. Husband told me to draw circles to keep me loose, so that is what I do when I get stuck or discouraged. The bottom right drawing was my finale drawing for the day.)

I hope that one day I can explore every facet of my childhood dreams, I hope you will too. I'm going to change my stars! (Thanks "Rogue!")

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